The “Deadliest Warrior” Arcade game is not fun plus some other stuff

Are you a fan of TNA Wrestling, MANswers and slicing up pig carcasses? If so, you’ve probably already seen “Deadliest Warrior” on Spike TV. For everyone who isn’t a teenage boy, Deadliest Warrior is a show where scientists and biomedical engineers (I swear that’s one guy’s title) team up with some computer nerds to test the weapons of two groups of historical warriors or soldiers on dummies, ballistics gel and pig carcasses. They take the results of the testing and put them into some sort of computer simulation that decides who would win in a fight. I’ll admit, it’s a fairly interesting concept but its production, like basically anything else on Spike, is pretty cheesy. However, when I heard about a game being made out of the show, it caught my attention.

From everything I heard about the game, it sounded like it would be a fighting game more along the lines of Bushido Blade than a fighter like Street Fighter or Tekken – meaning fights would be more tactical and could end with one well placed blow rather than a typical fighting game where spamming the same move is an effective tactic. After putting in a little time with the trial of Deadliest Warrior (the full game is 800 points), facing off as either a Ninja or Spartan (the full game will also include combatants like the Knight, Apache, and Pirate), I feel safe in saying that comparisons to Bushido Blade are more than generous, bordering on just plain false.

First off, the fighting itself just isn’t tight at all. Moving, attacking, dodging, blocking and attempting to parry are all hindered by a slow combat system that seemingly rewards players who mash attack buttons. There’s no switching stances here – high, mid, low and ranged attacks are all handled by the four face buttons. Dodging feels slow and will often leave you open to attack and parrying is near impossible. For some reason, it’s even possible to turn away from your opponent and you need to physically point your fighter back toward your enemy for your attacks to land. It would be different if the levels were larger but they’re about the same size as a standard level in Virtua Fighter or Soul Calibur and I’m sorry but I shouldn’t have to make it a point to face my enemy in a fighting game – it should just sorta happen.

I’ll give it a little bit more of a chance later on (since it just came out today) and if I change my mind I’ll post it here but I’m not anticipating that happening. Luckily (even though I’m still playing Blacklight: Tango Down [which I just read is getting a sequel]) K-Mart, of all places, has my gaming needs covered. All this week, until the 17^th, K-Mart is selling a number of games for a very reasonable $34.99. I picked up a copy of Alan Wake and Singularity for what amounts to be half price each, and Kmart is also selling Call of Duty: War Collection (and I’ll be honest, I don’t know that collection contains) for the Xbox 360, Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker for the PSP for $19.99, PSP-3000 Core Packs for $150, as well as if you purchase Dragon Quest IX: Sentinels of the Starry Skies for the DS, you’ll get a $10 gift card and half off select DS titles. Pretty sweet deals, if you ask me. I honestly don’t know why I took so long to finally get around to playing Alan Wake but I’ve heard great things about it and since Silent Hill seems to be trying to avoid the 360 with all its might, Alan Wake is thankfully picking up the survival-horror slack. I’ve also heard good things about Singularity, which I was very surprised to see at $35 considering it came out on June 29^th. Though its plot is fairly generic (some crazy stuff goes down at a secret military base) and it borrows elements from other, bigger-name shooters, its use of time manipulation, slick action and cool multiplayer elements (you get to play as soldiers vs. the game’s monsters, ala Left 4 Dead’s Versus) made it a hard game to pass up at its price.

Lastly, I’m sure most everyone who’s into movies with aging badasses, explosions, gun fights, car chases and explosions has heard about The Expendables. The basic premise is that Sly Stallone wrote a movie, starring himself obviously, that also stars every other muscle-bound action star that’s ever hunted down terrorists, been in war flicks or even look like they have. (You’re as hilarious as you are ripped, Terry Crews, but you’re not the first guy I think of when it comes to action movies. Everybody Hates Chris and Are We There Yet? probably have something to do with it.) The reason I bring up what’s bound to be one of the most manliest movies ever is that on its Facebook fan page, there’s now a Contra-esque, 8-bit styled sidescrolling action game based on The Expendables. All you need to do is Like the fan page and you’ll have access to what’s no doubt going to be a productivity killer (just kidding any one of my bosses who may be reading this!).

Gotta go now, though. I’ve been sitting here with two brand new games staring me in the face all day and I don’t think I can stand it any longer. Be on the lookout for my reviews of both Singularity and Alan Wake and while you’re on Facebook, liking The Expendables, make sure you visit and become a fan of the Delco News Network.